It’s time to rethink an old adage: “Treat customers the way you want to be treated yourself.” Why? Because it misses a crucial truth: everyone is different. True empathy is about stepping into someone else’s shoes, not assuming they wear the same size as you. It’s about recognising how your customers differ from you and responding in ways that truly resonate with them.
Relying on a one-size-fits-all approach may keep things efficient, but it won’t deliver great service. It risks falling into autopilot - a mode that rarely meets expectations, not to mention exceeds them. To deliver truly great service, it's important to understand how to communicate with your customers in a way that helps them feel seen, heard, and valued.
Think about a time when a customer service experience felt off. Perhaps the customer service representative was overly chatty when you wanted professionalism, or too detailed when you craved simplicity. How did that affect your perception of the company?
Now consider a time when someone 'just got you'. It’s likely their approach to the conversation aligned perfectly with your own, creating a sense of ease and trust.
A UK bank featured in the ground-breaking Harvard Business Review article, Stop Trying To Delight Your Customers, discovered that by training their contact centre representatives to adapt to customers’ unique communication styles, they reduced repeat calls by an incredible 40%. This wasn’t a procedural improvement, it was a shift in behaviours and reflected a profound movement toward customer-centric empathy. Behavioural science and frameworks such as Everything DiSC tell us that people tend to communicate and process information in different ways. Understanding these tendencies allows you to flex your style to meet customers where they are. Here are the four key Everything DiSC styles:
-
Dominance
Assertive and results-focused, Dominant customers value efficiency and clarity. They’re direct and prefer quick, decisive communication.
-
Influence
Outgoing and enthusiastic, Influencers thrive on emotional connection. They want a warm, energetic interaction with room for personal chit-chat.
-
Steadiness
Thoughtful and loyal, Steady customers appreciate reassurance and support. They prefer a slower pace and thoughtful communication, valuing trust over speed.
-
Conscientiousness
Curious and detail-oriented, Conscientious customers like to take their time. They ask questions and prefer thorough, well-reasoned explanations.
Each of us is a blend of these styles, but understanding the dominant traits of your customers can transform your interactions. For example, a Dominant customer service representative's need for speed and action might overwhelm a Steady customer who values reassurance. Similarly, a Conscientious customer service representative's love of detail might frustrate an Influencer customer who prefers brevity and personal connection.
Here are a few tips on how to truly empathise with your customer, based on the latest research:
-
Listen for clues: Pay attention to how your customer communicates. Are they chatty or reserved? Do they focus on big-picture outcomes or details? These clues can guide you in tailoring your response to their style.
-
Mirror their pace: Match your communication speed to theirs. For example, slow down and provide reassurance for a Conscientious or Steady customer, or pick up the pace and get to the point for Dominant and Influencer customers.
-
Flex it, don’t fake it Authenticity is key. Adapt your approach while staying true to yourself. Customers can tell the difference between a genuine effort and a scripted interaction.
-
Practice self-awareness: Reflect on your own preferred style. Is your preferred style Dominance, Influence, Steadiness or Conscientiousness? Knowing this helps you spot potential disconnects and make adjustments when needed.
True empathy is recognising these differences and adjusting your approach accordingly. It’s about saying, “I understand you,” not in words but through the way you communicate. This builds trust and loyalty, creating memorable customer experiences.
Next time you’re with a customer, pause and ask: What does this person need from me right now? Then adapt. By doing so, you’ll ensure your customers leave feeling valued and understood and setting the stage for lasting relationships.
And that’s the secret to truly great service.
In our tried and tested GREAT Customer Service framework, E is for Empathise. This means understanding your customer and what they need from you. It's recognising and attuning to the customer’s behavioural preference by responding appropriately to your customer and demonstrating genuine empathy.
