Handling Hostile Customers: Science-Backed Strategies to Stay Calm and In Control

Oct 8
Have you ever witnessed a customer losing their cool with someone in customer service? Or perhaps you’ve found yourself getting frustrated - maybe raising your voice or letting your irritation show? These moments are more common than we’d like to admit.

It’s easy to understand how tempers can flare when things go wrong, but why do some people think it's okay to show anger and take out their frustrations on those who work in customer service? And how can customer service professionals respond when they're on the receiving end of this aggression?

Let's dive into the science behind these behaviours and explore strategies for staying calm and in control during tough customer interactions.

Aggression is on the rise.

Aggression towards customer service professionals is on the rise. As part of their Service With Respect campaign, the Institute of Customer Service reports that 45% of customer service professionals have reported hostile interactions from customers in the past six months. Sadly, some are even considering leaving their jobs, with 31% thinking of quitting due to the abuse they’ve faced​. 

But why do some customers act this way? Behavioural science provides some insight. Frustrated customers often feel powerless in situations involving delays or service issues. When things don’t go as planned, customers may direct their anger at customer service professionals, seeing them as the face of the problem, even though they rarely have control over the issue itself. This misdirected anger can result in rude or aggressive behaviour.

A human response.

For those on the receiving end, exposure to aggressive behaviour can trigger innate and automatic human responses: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. These physiological reactions are our brain's natural way of responding to stress and threat. They are deeply ingrained physiological reactions designed to protect us from perceived threats:

Fight: A customer service professional might feel the urge to fight back, defend themselves, or argue with the customer. While it’s a natural reaction, responding in this way can escalate the situation and make it harder to resolve.

Flight: In other cases, they may mentally or emotionally 'check out', trying to avoid the situation entirely. They may feel overwhelmed and retreat by disengaging, which can make it difficult to provide effective service, inadvertently making the situation worse.

Freeze: Some might freeze up in the face of aggression, unsure of how to respond. This response can leave them feeling stuck, unable to think clearly or take action.

Fawn: Others may instinctively try to appease the customer, going out of their way to please them at all costs. While this can momentarily defuse the situation, it often leaves the Customer Service professional feeling powerless and stressed.

Understanding these responses can help professionals recognise their own reactions under pressure. Once they identify the instinctual response, they can take steps to manage it effectively, using strategies to remain calm and regain control of the situation.

How to respond.

If you're in Customer Service, here are a few tips on how to respond when faced with aggression from a customer:
  • Stay calm to signal safety: When you remain calm, it sends a powerful message to the customer that there’s no threat. This can help lower their aggression, as people tend to mirror the emotional tone of the person they’re interacting with.
  • Acknowledge the customer's emotion: Research shows that validating someone’s feelings can help diffuse tension. Try phrases like, "I see this is frustrating for you." This can make customers feel heard and calm their response​.
  • Use neutral language:  Avoid escalating the situation with defensive or negative language. Instead, stay neutral. Saying, "Let’s figure this out together," shifts the focus to problem-solving and away from blame​.
  • Reframe the issue: When a customer is upset, reframe the issue from a problem-focused to a solution-focused discussion. Behavioural science suggests that this cognitive shift can reduce emotional intensity. For example, “Here’s what I can do for you” invites collaboration rather than confrontation.
  • Set clear boundaries: If the aggression crosses a line, it’s important to set firm but respectful boundaries. Politely but firmly explain that while you want to help, abusive behaviour is not acceptable. This can shift the dynamic and reinforce that respect is required for the conversation to continue.
By adopting these strategies, customer service professionals can better navigate aggressive interactions while protecting their own emotional well-being. Campaigns like Service with Respect are crucial in ensuring that workers in customer-facing roles are treated with the dignity and respect they deserve​

Learn more about GREAT Customer Service...